The last 6 months of my life have been strangely focused on the mortality of those around me. I've been very fortunate in my life that most of my family is alive and well. During the spring we got a phone call that Matt's grandma fell and she wasn't feeling great for a while and we were worried that she wouldn't bounce back as easily, but she certainly did. Then in the summer I got a phone call that they thought my mom was having a heart attack. I dropped the kids off with Matt and cried the whole way to the hospital. Losing my mom is terrifying to me. She's one of those people who is as strong as a rock and I can't imagine her leaving us. Then 2 weeks later my dad began having some health problems that ended up in numerous hospital stays throughout the rest of 2009 and unfortunately he didn't bounce back quite so easily but he's improving every day. Now with having Matt's mom in the hospital and knowing that she could have died has made me realize how fortunate I am yet again. My oldest sister has survived the loss of her firstborn, cancer and raising a teenage daughter who has been more than difficult. Sonya survived mom. Enough said. I've been really lucky that I met the love of my life when I was 15, got married and I have two beautiful children. We've had a lot of close calls lately but so far (knock on wood!) it's all been ok. In the middle of all this chaos sometimes it's hard to take time to look around and see how fortunate I really am. My kids are healthy and active and I get to take care of them and drive them to school. My parents are still alive and well for me to call and check on. My sisters and Sonya are all healthy and happy (most days). Matt's mom is still with us and I can drive over to the hospital to visit her. Every time I have to make a phone call to update everyone on our hospital status I keep in mind that I'm fortunate these people are still in our lives and I've spoken with them more this week than I probably have in the last year.
We really have been blessed this past year. I'm trying to see the blessings right now instead of focusing on the chaos. If I focus on the chaos it's overwhelming. I have amazing friends and a very supportive family. When I have needed someone to watch the kids I don't have to hesitate to call Sonya (or even Mark who has done his share of babysitting) or my mom to help out. My friends and neighbors have taken my children numerous times over the past few months and never make me feel guilty about it. If anyone ever needs a favor I'm permanently indebted to just about all of my friends. And if I haven't called on you to help yet, don't think you're in the clear. It's only Wednesday. :)
But at the end of the day when I see my children cuddled up on my bedroom floor it's very clear to me why I do what I do. They are the reason it's all worth it. Not just for me, but for all the grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles who love them too.
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