You Just Have to Want it Bad Enough

While looking through pictures to do J's birthday post on Saturday I came across some pictures of me that I can't even believe I'm going to post here. This was me when M was 10 months old. I weighed 100 lbs more than I do today. 

My recent picture is right there on the side of the screen. I can't believe how much time I wasted being fat. I will NEVER be that person again. Now if the scale creeps up even a pound or two I restrict my diet a little more and hit the gym a little harder. I've managed to maintain for a couple months now and at this point that's all I can ask for. I would love to lose another 20 but realistically I'm not sure it would make me any happier. I work out 2 hours a day and I almost never eat above 1500 calories a day. Occasionally I splurge just like everyone else but I know for the rest of my life I will have to fight my weight. 

Today at the pool when the kids wanted to do the lazy river I realized that's something I could have never done before. I can't believe how much I would be missing out on if I were still at that weight. I wanted it bad enough and I've worked my butt off (literally) to get here. Lately I've been really hard on myself and wishing I could change things about my body. Seeing these pictures made me realize that there's only so much I can change. I've had 2 babies and I'm not 16 anymore. I'd like to look into getting a breast reduction at some point because that's one area I can't shrink no matter what! My back is killing me all the time! It's also really hard to buy shirts when your bust is 10 inches larger than your waist. I can't wear anything with buttons because I would send one flying across the room! Other than that, I think I need to learn to realize that I'm not that person anymore. My brain hasn't yet caught up with my body. 

I rarely stop to think about how far I've come because I don't see the huge changes in the mirror. It's been lots of little changes that ended up being a big difference! It's unbelievable. Truly, I don't even believe it myself sometimes but here I am. I wanted it badly enough and I finally made it to a point that I can be accepting of. Yay me!